is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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