considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
