Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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