You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
