and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
