o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
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