I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize