This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
