Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
