we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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