pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
where does the pee come out of this thing
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
