Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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