Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
