those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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