what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
