it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
