I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
