Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
