It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
