At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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