who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
