first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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