Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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