Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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