my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
