Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
