blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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