I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
