Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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