Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
