I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
