My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
