True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
