addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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