things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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