i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
