break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I touched a dick in church today
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
