Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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