Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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