we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
