oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
