She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
