one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
