i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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