I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
