Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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