my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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