If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just pee around me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
