Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
