Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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