Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
