Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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