p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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