I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
