I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
