Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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