We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
