Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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