five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
