god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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