I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
