I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
