3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
