Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Who died my cat blue again?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
