There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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