What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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