I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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