if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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