There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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