Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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