tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
