soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i out mim tonsoeep
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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