Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
