Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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