atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
