Can i not drive my cunt home
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize