tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
