Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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