He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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