these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
